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| | Chiggers!
Posted on 11/17/2006 by Spike
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I have chiggers.
Many of you may be wondering, "what the heck is that?" and so, I, the wikipedia informed Spike, a victim of supreme discomfort and master of all matters relating to the current plague, shall educate you.
Chiggers are little red bugs, akin to mites, which are actually classified as arachnids, since once they reach adulthood they grow a fourth set of legs. They often live in Spanish Moss, a sea-sage colored brush that is indigenous to the area above our stage at the Sarasota Festival.
In their adult form, these brightly colored spider-cousins dine on various plants, including the aforementioned Spanish Moss. In their six-legged larvae form, they eat Spike. Using their tick-like mouths, they inject a venom-saliva into the flesh of the hair follicle to which they have attached themselves. This toxin liquefies skin cells, which the hungry chigger slurps up through the hardened, straw-like cell walls. This causes the skin to harden, turn red, raised, and burn and itch more than Granny Ermle's Poison Ivy Chili on a Jalepeno Hot day in Hades.
Little tiny bugs have left little awful bumps down my legs, arms, tummy and chest. Track lines of a parasite soothed only by glorious IcyHot, Oatmeal Baths, and clear nail polish. Nothing to do but sit it out, trying not to scratch.
At least I'm not alone in my agony. Meeting up with Star in the hotel room, I had the unfortunate duty of informing her that those "mosquito bites" were in fact caused by something much smaller, brighter, and far more annoying.
My palms are itching now. I'm either coming into money, or they've come into my hands. I don't think I can stop the chhhiigggggggerrrr takeov |
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